perpetual lottery

options options options... sometimes i wonder if it's a diservice to our generation that we have so many. we could go to any school across the nation - or even globe. live in any country and do jobs that didn't even exist when our parents were graduating high school (or university for that matter!). and if you know me, you know I love how small the world has become, but I also wonder if it is a distraction from life at hand...from the people in front of our faces. anything in my hometown will now feel like a 'smaller' plan compared to life 'out there' - in another state, another continent.

so then what - what's the solution? when i am faced with soo many possibilities that are equally exciting, equally impactful, equally expensive (oh dear...), how do you decide? in high school i would set out all my options and pray until i felt like one trumped the others. but then somewhere along the line my philosophies shifted to something much more simple: just move forward - act on the convictions, impulses and passions the creator knit into your being from the very beginning. i certainly don't think there's always a 'plan' as far as that's concerned. i think we have free will - choose to love and search your motives and then act. god's present in every city, every school, and every vocation across the globe.

but now. i never thought just-out-of-university syndrome would last this long. my life is completely up in the air. i used to get excited at this feeling, but anymore i want something (or someone) to draw me at least a bit more in one direction than the next. but instead i still have the same endless list of interests and possible vocations. i could list right now at least 10 different places with 10 different options as to what i would do for a job and what i would be working towards. so which one is "right"? which is "best"?

i ask myself - what is important in life? what do i believe in? and simplified i answer myself:

agape. love acted out through community.

so it should be easy - move towards that, right? well, my community is in nashville. but i don't feel right in nashville - if feel complacent and lukewarm, so that can't be my city, right?  oh dear...  who knows.  community can be found anywhere with a bit of time and effort.

it's difficult when, for the first real time in my life, i want to invest in something.  i feel like the next decision i make is sticking for awhile.  it makes me simultaneously uncomfortable and ridiculously giddy.  

maybe i just need to make a decision and see where it takes me.