not count down, rise up (the intention)

i wonder when we started waiting till midnight, watching the minutes and the seconds (or a giant ball of lights imperceptably sliding down a post) as if these machines are the absolute dictators of passing time. why should we let a clock tell us that something is new? i'd rather feel the newness warming my face.

last year i had a doozie of a new-years. i fell asleep waiting for my roommate to get home from work so we could go to a party. woke up at 12:15 and went to bed! pretty pathetic. but then i couldn't sleep past 6:30, so i got up, had a coffee and went on a walk alone. the world was absolutely silent. i think i smiled the entire walk - living and loving every single step.

i decided yesterday that this year i'm going to sleep early and wake before dawn. i'm going to greet the first sunrise of 2009 and let its glow birth hope and love in my soul. i thought about keeping it a secret - as if it won't be as 'good' if i tell anyone what i'm going to do. as if no one's ever thought of it before me! so then i realized how silly that is - and realized that perhaps one or two of the three people who read this might want to try the same thing.

so i say do it. i mean, what's one year of trying something different? i'd love to hear about it if you do.

in a couple days

paul padgett touches my freakin' soul when he writes. poetry, prose, term papers...basically anything, but his songwriting should be world renowned. some of you have heard my sister's band, danger and the steel cut oats. well, that's paul. he writes it all. here's a song that he wrote and recorded awhile ago, but i just heard it for the first time the other day.

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in a couple days the ache of all the things we're struggling with - of love and loss - is bound to go away.
in a couple years from now the pain that seems so big and loud will pail before the beauty of today.
and i know the evening cold can sink its teeth down to your bones but never fear 'cause morning's on its way
while this winter's sleeping sound just sneak outside and leave that house and walk until the sunrise finds your face.

so while creation waits impatiently for spring
the almighty sower's waiting on his seeds
and someday soon the buds will start to bloom
and all the empty space will fill right up with leaves
and the green...is all we'll see...it's all we'll see

don't you know you're running from the past like it's an animal and nipping at your heels
though i know you run so fast believe me that your weakness isn't something to conceal
soon enough i'll find a way to find all of our wasted days we didn't share when we shared the same town
but tonight just rest in knowing that the distance separating you and me is temporary now

o while creation waits impatiently for spring
the almighty sower's waiting on his seeds
and someday soon the buds will start to bloom
and all the empty space will fill right up with leaves
and the green...is all we'll see...it's all we'll see

oh i remember all my decembers perfectly
though they get colder
as i get older, i still believe

that while o while creation waits impatiently for spring
oh my father waits for me
all my broken branches soon enough will mend
and my emptiness he'll fill right up with leaves
and the green...is all i'll see....is all i'll see

in a couple days the weight of all the worries of your soul will lighten up and start to fade away
in a couple years from now the only thing we'll talk about will be the broken beauty of today.
and someday soon the buds will start to bloom
and all the empty space will fill right up with leaves
and the green...is all we'll see...it's all we'll see